Dating in the 21st century has become an undefined, mind-boggling craze that is so hard to keep up with. Everyone is talking to multiple people, building a roster, and it seems that nobody is ever ready to pull to trigger and commit to an actual relationship. You can do all of the things that two people who have the boyfriend/girlfriend labels do, but at the end of the day, you are nothing but a confusing situation. Maybe it’s commitment issues or the other person is not ready to settle down with you, but the moment you stop talking to them, it all clicks and a few weeks later you’re looking at your ex-thing telling you that he has a girlfriend.
So why is it that he couldn’t fully commit to you for a year, all while doing what people would deem relationship behaviors? It may not have been that he didn’t want to be tied down, but he didn’t want to be tied down to you. It’s a hard pill to swallow but it’s as simple as that. He could have told you he loves you a million times, and taken you around his friends and family, but he did not want to be in a relationship with you. And I do not know why this is the case but trust me, I have firsthand experience with this exact debacle…more than once.
Being the girl before the girlfriend is probably the worst feeling in the world, especially if you have been seeing this person for a long time. You feel like there is something wrong with you and that you are not good enough, and like you never will be. There is zero way to ensure that it won’t happen again after the first time, but there are now certain things to look out for and be careful about if he is not going to commit to you or if he is just looking for a hookup.
There is nothing wrong with just a hookup if that is what you mutually want, but if one person is looking for more, then it is best to be upfront with your needs before you get in too deep and develop feelings. Make it known that you want to be taken on a date, if they can’t do something as simple as that, then they are not worth it in the end. And if they do end up taking you on a date, then great, but they need to be consistent. It is not fair to you if they are only talking to you when it is convenient for them and stringing you along for a long period of time. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone that is inconsistent?
Another thing to look out for is not only his actions but his words. I know people say that actions speak louder than words but sometimes it’s important to not just listen to a person, but to hear exactly what they are saying. If he tells you that you are too good for him, LISTEN TO HIM, because you are. And if they completely ghost you, do not spam them asking what you did wrong because 99% of the time, you did absolutely nothing.
They usually will settle for someone that does not challenge them and in the end, it’s not going to work out. They always come back, but the next time they do, do not let yourself get put in the same position as you were before because you deserve so much better than that. While being the girl before the girlfriend will always feel like you are not good enough, just know that one day someone will come along and you won’t even remember that feeling. You will know you’re better than good enough, it just takes the right person to show you.
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